Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
