you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he was CRYING into my vagina
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
