I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
