just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
grandma shit on top of the toilet
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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