He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
