I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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