Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
