I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
