I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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