Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
