last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
