if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
