my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
