Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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