I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Rumble strips road head = magical
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
