This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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