Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
