Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
