I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
