Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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