tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
