I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
