I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm at about main and main street
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
