I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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