I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
