dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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