just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
