ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
