how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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