I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
