Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
