just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Well I just put wine in my tea
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
