Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My dick has a subreddit
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
