They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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