I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
