she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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