he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
