Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
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