Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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