you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I touched a dick in church today
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
