I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
