you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
