you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
