hotel room ftw
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
