so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
