Your face is a jimmy john
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
