i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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