The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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