I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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