nut hugger
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Come share oat with me in your robe
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
