Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry timoteo17 hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(818): View more from California

i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick

Fav 4 817 1549
share tweet
(570): View more from Pennsylvania

If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.

Fav 27 1217 6701
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(402): View more from Nebraska

Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.

Fav 34 3658 1216
share tweet
(707): View more from California

drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.

Fav 24 4027 1091
share tweet
(401): View more from Rhode Island

Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.

Fav 4 4499 952
share tweet
(775): View more from Nevada

He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?

Fav 19 938 2002
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(615): View more from Tennessee

That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion

Fav 3 993 622
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(215): View more from Pennsylvania

holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own

Fav 4 631 544
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(714): View more from California

Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.

Fav 0 74 9
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT